The blueprint of marriage is found in God’s Word. A blueprint is a complete design or plan that explains how to develop or do something. When there is no blueprint or pattern, we tend to wing it on our own. How often folks say, “When all else fails, read the directions.”
It really does help to read the directions! It helps even more when we follow the directions of the plan. What makes following a plan even more successful is when we read all the directions before we start on the project. When we read all the directions first, we have a clear understanding of what is required to complete the model or the project. Sometimes folks read the directions and realize they are not qualified to assemble something. That’s when they call on someone who can help them understand the directions and help them take the right steps in the right order so the project can be a success.
That’s how it is with marriage. Too many times, folks come to the altar unprepared because they have not bothered to read the directions. They fail to understand the foundation and the elements necessary for building on that foundation. Small wonder, then, that so many marriages are unhappy or dissolve.
Love is not enough to help one follow the blueprint. Commitment to the purpose and design of the blueprint is what brings a good marriage to fruition.
The blueprint of marriage
A blueprint has three parts: the drawings, dimensions, and notes. The how-to of marriage is like a blueprint of marriage.
- the drawings show us the two parts of a marriage covenant: male and female. Genesis explains this in several places. Adam and Eve were instructed to be fruitful and multiply and take control of the earth. The sexual union between a man and a woman (for which they were anatomically created) is considered “one flesh“.
- the dimensions give us the parameters in the marriage relationship. The husband, who is strong on the outside and soft on the inside, is the leader, protector, and provider. The wife, who is soft on the outside and strong on the inside, is created to do what a man cannot do. When they work in harmony with the dimensions given to them, they complete the blueprint designed for them. She calls forth the best in him, and he promotes her gifts.
- the notes from God tell us how to live as husband and wife. This is about delineation of our separate responsibilities. The instructions are to remind us that marriage is not about us. Marriage is about Christ and the church. A true marriage is a picture of the love of Jesus Christ for His bride, the church. Christ does not rule the church by domination, and neither does a godly husband dominate his wife. Ephesians tells us how a husband and wife are to do marriage.
The blueprint suffices
Every one of us brings baggage to our marriage. The good news is that we serve a God of Redemption. When we truly want the best in our marriage, we will do what it takes to get us there. We must get false blueprints out of our mind and develop a way of thinking that follows scripture. We must find healing for our past hurts or sins and not let our past define us. Finally, we must follow the blueprint God has carefully given in His word. When we follow the blueprint, we will find that our marriage will stand the tests that come our way. Following a blueprint is not an easy thing to do, because we are bombarded by other blueprints championed as the best.
I know this, because when I want to harbor a grudge, spout off in anger, or refuse to cooperate, it is because of my Self or the influence of other thinking. Yet, when I go to the Word, how to act is clearly delineated in the blueprint for marriage. When I follow that blueprint, our marriage conveys what God intends. When my husband follows that blueprint, he leads with a servant heart even when he is weary, frustrated with me, and physically exhausted. Following a blueprint takes concentration and work.
Don’t give up. Don’t give in to self. Every marriage has its struggles and temptations because our DNA carries our sin nature. When both husband and wife follow the blueprint, the marriage sustains through richer or through poorer, in sickness and in health. When you allow the blueprint to suffice, your marriage will grow and be sustained for better or for worse, to love and to cherish until death. It won’t be perfect, but it will be complete. Ask me how I know.