Looking Back on 65 Years – He is Faithful

In the moment He is faithful

In the darkest times of life, we grope about us, trying to find hope and trust. It is hard to find them when the waves are crashing around us. In the moment, it is hard to know that He is faithful. Yet He is.

Later, as we look back, we trace His hand and His mercy. We know that He was faithful. This is what I know, because I can look back and remember. When a father dies and leaves small children, life is hard. I realize now that it was harder for my Mama than it was for me. I was too young to understand the burden she carried to provide and care for us. Yet, she knew God was faithful and would be faithful in all our days. Mama exhibited that to us because I never saw her worry.

How I learned Who God is

I learned who God is from my Mama. Mama was married for thirteen years when she became a widow. She knew the time was coming, but did not expect it to happen then. Because she knew that time was running out, she helped our father prepare for his absence. They built a bakery business and put an addition onto our house so she could bake bread and cinnamon rolls in the large room off the kitchen. 

After his death, she continued the business. Home remained the same even though it was different. How many times I’ve wondered how our Mama managed to do it so well. Now,I think I know.

Once I asked her if she cried when our Papa died. “A little,” she said, “But I knew God would take care of us.”

Yes, she knew God would take care of us, and He did. She exhibited that faith and trust in front of us and we never worried, because Mama didn’t.

Not once did I hear Mama complain about her lot in life. On the mornings she had to get up long before daylight to begin mixing bread, she did not complain. She just did what she had to do. 

Mama’s faith did not waver. This we know, for we continued to go to church when the doors were open. She gave money in the offering every Sunday, used her giftings in teaching Sunday school and the monthly sewing circle, and opened her home more hospitably than many folks we knew. Year after year, we hosted children from New York City through the Fresh Air fund. Money was tight, but there was room for two, or four, or six children from the city to sleep in our house in the country. When folks traveling through the area needed a place to stay, she said “Yes”, as we gave up our beds. 

The winter of 1972 she hosted several couples who were stranded along the interstate in our town. Garrett County, Maryland’s most western county, put on its best winter show that year as snow and wind caused drifts and poor visibility. None of our guests knew each other, and the entire town lost electricity. Extra blankets came out of the closet and melted snow provided water for essentials. She could have said, “I’m a widow and I can’t do that,” but she didn’t. We never considered the uniqueness of  her hospitality because it was who she was. She trusted God to provide a way to feed these strangers from various states. She knew He is faithful, and He was.

I learned Who God is through life experiences

My mama’s faith could not grow my own. It’s true that her faith, in part, gave birth to my own. One of her favorite songs was God Will Take Care of You. It was her mantra and pointed me to truth.

Yet, the time came when I moved beyond observing to experiencing what it means to see Him faithful. What she knew and experienced gave birth to seeds of faith in me. Yet, that faith had to become my own. It did.

How easy it is to look back at our lives and see His hand, His faithfulness, there all the time. How much better it is to acknowledge His faithfulness in the chaos and hard times of life. Even when life doesn’t make sense, even when we don’t know how God is going to fix this problem, we can claim Him faithful – because He is.

In the many twists and turns of life, one thing I keep coming back to when I talk to God is the truth of His faithfulness. How many times over the years have I prayed, “I know that, even in this gut-wrenching time, You are faithful.” He always is. 

On March 31, it will be 65 years since my Papa went to Heaven. I was not able to comprehend the significance of that loss, for I was five. Yet, even in the questions, the wondering, the pondering, and the wishing life would be different, there remains always that truth: His mercies are new every morning, and He is faithful. 

All these sixty-five years, I have wondered what it would be like to grow up with a father. I will never know. Yet, this I know: He is faithful.

And He is always, always good.

Photo credit: taken in Hawaii several years ago – by the author