How to be a Responsible Adult with Other Peoples’ Kids

Responsible adult

We should choose to be a responsible adult. Whether you are a grandparent, an uncle or aunt, a favorite cousin, a kids’ club teacher, or just someone special in the lives of someone else’s kids, you are responsible. You are responsible to be the adult, to act like the adult, and to encourage the kids you influence to respect their elders and others. A responsible adult is one who is called to answer for conduct and obligations.

The problem is that often the “responsible” adult chooses favor from the children over responsibility. Who doesn’t want to be liked by a grandchild, a niece or nephew, or your best friend’s child? Folks forget that it’s not their job to be well-liked, but to call the children to respond with respect to others. Too often, the “responsible” adults encourage the children to go against what they know their parents want. Sometimes they deliberately coerce the children to do what they know is not desirable.

When someone else’s child is in your care, it is your responsibility to enforce the “rules” for that child even when you don’t like the rules.  If you won’t follow the rules, then don’t babysit the kids.

How it should not be done

Bedtime for the kids you are babysitting? Follow that rule unless you have extenuating circumstances that absolutely prevent this from happening. You must be willing to help the kids understand that you know what the bedtime rule is. You tell them that you intend to follow the rule, but this time you couldn’t make it happen. Purpose to not let it happen again.

The kids you love who aren’t yours are not allowed to have sweets before bedtime? Then follow the rule. Do not say things like, “I’d let you have some ice cream because my kids always did, but you know your mom; she doesn’t think it’s okay to have ice cream.”  Shut your mouth. Provide fruit or popcorn instead of brownies and ice cream. It doesn’t matter that the parents are not there and “will never know”. The kids know, and that matters.

You have kids who like to sit with you in church and you know their parents never allow them to chew gum in church? [we were those parents]. Don’t slip the child a piece of gum during church and tell them not to tell their mom or dad. You are teaching these kids that it’s okay to defy authority and that it’s okay to do things secretly so the parents never learn of the infraction.

There are places you’d like to take these kids you love, and movies you’d like them to see, but you know what their parents will say? If you really love and care about these kids, don’t take them to those places or pop in that movie. You might think you’ll gain their love, but respect will disappear.

There is language your kiddos are not allowed to use? Do not use those words in front of them. Do not make fun of the parents for not allowing those words. There are plenty of other words you can use instead.

The why behind responsibility

Parenting is hard enough without those closest to our kids thwarting our attempts. Dishonesty is wrong. Undermining authority is wrong. Sabotaging teaching is wrong. Making fun of others or their “rules” is wrong. None of these help build the kingdom of Christ or the families of those we love.

We might think it’s such a small thing and “it won’t hurt this time”, but it can do irreparable damage. Kids are like sponges, and they soak up the attitudes and thoughts of those around them. Don’t think kids don’t know what we think about the rules their parents have.

Seek to garner respect and responsibility. This will carry you well, and parents will trust you with their kids. Defy their authority, and you will lose respect and trust.