What I Learned in My First-Year-Journey with Cancer
Looking back a year after cancer
In the first few weeks following my cancer diagnosis, I learned. In the following months, I also learned. I am still learning.
Know this: nobody’s journey is the same. Also know this: we can learn from each other’s journey even when it is different.
Looking back over the year since my surgery in July 2023, I know some things for certain. Maybe, if you are on this journey or someone you love is on this journey, what I learned can help you.
What I Learned
- The cancer diagnosis is surreal. You are there, but not really there. You feel things, but don’t even know what you are feeling. It is hard to think and to process. This is why you need others to help you process what is happening. Family was paramount for me. My husband and our kids were my nucleus. My sisters (two), who had breast cancer diagnoses years earlier, knew how this felt and supported me empathetically. Others who have walked this journey can identify and help you say what you are feeling. They know, and you know that they know.
- If you are a believer, God is real. (He is real if you are not a believer, but you won’t experience that.) You find power and strength you did not have. You experience peace and the buoyancy of the prayers of others in unfathomable ways when you don’t know how to pray. This is why you need others to pray with you and for you. When you don’t know how to pray, their prayers carry you. Always, you know He is there. Keep believing and trusting. He walks with you and is ever-present.
What you need for your cancer journey
Community. Surround yourself with people who are in your corner and who have your back. Invite those into your life who truly care and want to partner in your journey. Community consists of the ones with whom you have a relationship – they ask you how you are doing instead of inquiring of others. Your community won’t wait for you to keep them informed; they’ll check in. They know when the next event, procedure, or test is, and they pray you through. You don’t need to remember to keep them in the loop; your community peeps will find you. If you’d rather have someone else relay information to people, choose your pointman. Choose your community. Use your community to be present when your family cannot. Dave took me to my many appointments, so I didn’t need a chauffeur; however, there were folks who were willing.
Nix naysayers. Nobody, other than you (with your spouse) is qualified to make a decision about your body. Everybody has an opinion and many (especially those who have never walked this road) will try to tell you what to do. It is not their business; it’s yours. You don’t need to explain, defend, or excuse your decisions. They are not theirs to live (or die) with; they are your decisions. The naysayers must go. It is okay to tell them so.
Seek others who’ve traveled this journey. Find those with a similar diagnoses; ask them what they chose to do, and why. Are they happy with their decision? Would they choose the same path now? Some of my most enlightening conversations came from women who have journeyed the breast cancer road. Some chose lumpectomies; some chose mastectomies. Our diagnoses and genetic study results were different, but we shared cancer in common. Each one willingly shared her experience, No one told me what to do and each promised support, whatever my decision.
Double eyes, double ears. It’s difficult to hear, process, and remember everything your doctor tells you. Have someone with you at your appointments to help listen, ask questions, and recount to you later. Choose someone you trust who can keep their mouth shut if necessary.
Doctors. Find doctors you trust who keep you informed. Get a second – or third- opinion if you must. With today’s technology, you can learn what other patients say about doctors. Research facts and not “I heard about” situations. Get your information about all things medical and your doctors from reliable sources. Your family or someone in your community can help you sort out what is best.
Anointing. Scripture calls for us to pray and anoint when there is sickness. Individually, we felt God tell us to ask for anointing; not for physical healing (although we would welcome that), but for emotional and spiritual healing, well-being, and for grace. Because Dave is my pastor, we asked our former pastor to do the anointing in a private service in our home before my news was public. Our children who could, participated, some in person and some by Facetime. I specifically wanted God’s Grace for the journey, and welcomed healing if He chose.
If you choose to ask for anointing, remember there is no right way to have a service. You can keep it intimate and private, or have a service with your church or small group. When you are the one with the diagnosis, you decide what helps you most. Certainly, you should ask input from those closest to you, but the service needs to be special for you in this time in your life.
Live for today
Choose trust. Choose to trust in an Almighty God who does all things well. Believe it and live in that trust.
Go to the Word and find your strength in the promises God gives. Find your hope for today – and tomorrow – in the Word. When you don’t know how to pray, know that others are praying for you. When words fail, find scriptures or songs and sing (or cry) your heart out. Practice breathing in the Presence of Almighty God. Develop your own playlist or save music on your phone to listen to when you don’t know what to pray. Talk to your spouse, or a friend, and share your struggles.
Remember: fear is not from God. It comes from the evil one. When you are afraid, turn to the Word and turn to God. He promises to give us power, love, and a sound mind. Hold onto that power; keep your love aflame; be realistic about your concerns; and don’t give in to fear – exactly what Satan desires.
Finding healing: Body, Soul, and Spirit
Give yourself time to heal emotionally. For the first ten months, I didn’t travel out of town by myself. What used to be something I did readily pre-cancer, I could not now bring myself to do. Dave or a friend went with me any time I needed to be somewhere else. The emotional toll was evident: I didn’t want to be away from Dave for long periods and felt vulnerable at the thought of traveling by myself. It made no sense to me, but Dave understood because he’d experienced a traumatic injury himself twenty years prior. Give yourself grace when you feel weak and inadequate. It will get better with time.
Recognize that when our body suffers, we suffer emotionally and spiritually. Healing comes, but we must give it time. Don’t force yourself to do something you’re not ready to do. At the same time, don’t waddle in misery because of your diagnosis. Allow yourself to be weak, but do not become stagnant. Work hard at becoming stronger. There is a way to do this: refuse to hibernate and isolate.
While isolation might seem (and can sometimes be) a part of healing, it is usually crippling. In prisons, solitary confinement is a punishment and not a place one receives healing. Studies prove it is detrimental to the well-being of a person. Don’t do this solitaire! Surround yourself with people who encourage and support. Show up for events and for worship services with God’s people.
Because I felt well, able, and wanted to go, I was in church 48-hours following my surgery. My drains were hidden in the inner pockets of my blouse (gifted from my neighbor). The hugs and exclamations of delight boosted my spirit and were just what I needed to start my week. Had I stayed home, I would have been frustrated and restless. Our youngest son brought me home to rest during the Sunday school hour following our church service and stayed with me. Lunch was prepared by my gang and I basked in having some of my kids home. It was everything I needed.
When life is surreal, god is real
When you’ve walked with God through the years, you have a bank account that records deposits of His faithfulness. I am grateful I could keep dipping into my account. Remembering His faithfulness through the years kept me on track. It still does.
There are still unknowns and more testing to come. I can hang in the “What Ifs” corner or I can claim the promise that He is with me. When I ask myself “What if? . . . ” I remember (as Dave reminds me), God is already there. W,hen I struggle with feeling selfish to want to live, I tell God – because He already knows how I feel.
Life is a journey. Our journeys are different, yet the same. Life isn’t fair, but Heaven is waiting. At the end of the journey, I want to hear Him say, “Well done.” If you’re a believer, I’m sure that’s your desire also – whether you are experiencing cancer or something else.
Recently, I compiled a photo journal of my cancer journey of 2023. In spite of four “under anesthesia” procedures in twelve months, Dave and I took a total of 30 “trips” during that same time period. Some of them were only two hours away, some hundreds, and several, thousands of miles.
Before cancer, we booked flights to Washington, Louisiana, Colorado, and Nebraska. God graciously scheduled my surgeries and procedures so none of our trips had to be cancelled. I visited slave plantations in New Orleans, relaxed on an Alaskan cruise, helped care for a newborn grandson, made applesauce with southern grandkids in their home, attended a PhD graduation of a son-in-law, travelled with Dave when he visited with an inmate four hours from home, attended the 50th wedding anniversary celebration of my sister, participated in my 50th year high school reunion, helped bake bread in an outdoor oven for two days at a Folk Festival in my home community, and was there at the finish line of a 100K when our youngest came in second place. The journal chronicles the faithfulness and goodness of God. We are blessed.
Keep recounting the goodness of God – today, tomorrow, and every day hereafter. Follow the model of the Psalmist David, who told and retold the attributes and works of Jehovah God. He is Worthy of our praise.
Photos:
A. Post-surgery with Dave
B. Dave and our son Jason take me for a walk in the hospital hallway the evening following my double-mastectomy with partial reconstruction (photo taken by our son Tim)
C. a visit to our son Ben and DIL in Colorado – 10 months after my 1st surgery, 6 months after a 2nd (reconstructive) surgery, and 4 months following a pancreatic biopsy – 
where a neuroendocrine tumor on the tail of my pancreas was found.
D. Breast cancer ribbon by A.Jimerez via pixabay.com
