There I was, standing in a group of gals I’ve come to know over the past year. The discussion centered on – of all things – virginity. Specifically, virginity until marriage – saving oneself for marriage. The topic had been an ongoing discussion over several events, and this time I was right in the mix. In the past, I’d not entered into the conversations because I’m a lot older than they are, and the discussion was mostly among themselves. This time I happened into the circle as the conversation ensued.
“So,” one of the girls looked at me, pointedly, “were you a virgin when you got married?”
“I sure was,” I replied.
“And Dave? Are you telling me he was a virgin, too?” [Goodness, you should have seen the looks on their faces.]
“I’m telling you, he was. It’s the only way to do it. I have no regrets. Dave doesn’t either.”
“How OLD were you?” she asked. [I think she thought I was probably in my teens and that’s why I waited.]
“I was 29. Dave was 28.”
“Wow,” she said.
You just don’t hear that much these days. To hear folks talk, you’d think nobody practices virginity anymore. I’m here to tell you that just isn’t so.
All eyes were on me, and so, being me, I took advantage of the opportunity.
“I’ve met a lot of women who have regrets in that department, but I’ve yet to meet someone who regretted being a virgin on her wedding night. When you do it God’s way, you have no regrets.”
You know what I discovered? These gals expressed envy for me because I had been raised in a home and church that taught, modeled, and expected virginity until marriage (because God said so).
Some of these gals shared that they ended up doing what they did because they thought it was expected of them. One of them said her mother never talked to her about sex and she thought since everybody else was doing it, she should, too. Not a single one was proud of her past – yet they could hardly fathom that what I was telling them about me was true.
You know something? When you think everybody is doing it, rest assured that everybody is not doing it. When you think it’s the only way to snag or keep a guy, rest assured that he will respect you less instead of more. That I know is true. Guaranteed. If he tells you that he expects this or you won’t be his girl, then tell him to get lost. You don’t need that kind of a guy.
You think there aren’t guys out there who believe and practice this? There are. You’ve got to look in the right places. Plus, you’ve got to be the kind of gal that this kind of guy would want.
When you’re young and in love and you think everybody else is doing it, think ahead to years down the road. How will it feel to look back twenty, thirty, forty years later? What will you wish you had done or not done then? Choose the path of no regret.
If you’re single and not a virgin, you can begin your “second virginity” now. You don’t need to continue down the road you’ve chosen. Choose a different path. From this point on, you can experience the path of no regrets.
So what did virginity give me?
- Wholesomeness with a clear conscience as a result of doing things God’s way. We have no guilt, and we experienced no shame. When your conscience is clear, your view of the world is cleaner and brighter.
- Freedom from disease, infections, and/or the worry of the same. I’ve seen the worries of women whose bodies are fighting the results of their sexual pasts. As a nurse, I’ve cared for women who were dealing with the aftereffects of their past – some of them sixty years later. I’ve seen young girls fighting infections that are the result of past or present sexual partners; I’ve seen their tears, and I’ve heard their regrets. I don’t have that concern and, while I’ve had a few ‘female issues’, this is one that plagues me not at all.
- Delight. The splendor, delight, and fun of experiencing sex with a man who has never been with any other woman in his life, except me. What better way to learn than to experiment, enjoy and relish with each other as novices together! What a gift that was! We still delight in that gift. There is nothing that makes us feel more special than to know our sexual experience is with an exclusive mate. I have only been his and he has only been mine.
This is why I could tell those girls that doing it God’s way is the only choice we should make. When we do it His way, we experience no regrets.
A personal note from me: If you’re a woman who has regrets, I’m so sorry. The purpose of this post is not to make a person feel unforgivable shame. Rather, I want to affirm those who are doing it God’s way, encourage those who are wondering if it’s really important, and offer hope to those who realize they have made wrong choices.
Not one of us can divorce herself from our past. God’s grace and forgiveness are unlimited even though they are not unconditional. Repentance is not merely regretting, but choosing to live differently in the future. No matter the mistakes we’ve made, the ground is level at the cross. There, the blood of Jesus cleans us up and makes us pure and as white as snow. It’s called Redemption. O, the joy of living in the freedom of obedience. We truly experience God’s best when we choose His way!