Raising Your Kids the Hard Way
raising kids.
Raising kids the hard way is what we did – only I didn’t call it that back then. I just knew that sticking to our guns was often hard. Sometimes it took energy I didn’t know I had, and most times, it felt like we were fighting an uphill battle.
A few years ago, a mom of littles approached me. She wanted to meet this mom who raised six kids. She asked me if she could ask me some questions. I said yes. She did.
“How did you raise such a fine son? I want to know what you did to have your child turn out so well.”
Her accolades (I felt) were over the top. We’re ordinary folks and if she only knew, she’d probably not even ask me this question. I was flummoxed!
Some kids are raised by their parents (or extended family members). Others pretty much raise themselves. There are a lot of resilient kids out there who “raised themselves by their own boot straps.” They didn’t get a lot of help growing up and somehow managed to turn out well. To those folks, much applause, for this is not the norm.
Statistics show us that “how we turn out” has a lot to do with our upbringing. Who we become as adults is largely a result of parenting or lack of parenting. That’s where raising kids the hard way comes in. Raising kids the hard way is not taking the easy way out. It is not copying what other parents do without having goals for our kids, nor is it just winging it without regard for future consequences for today’s decisions.
The hard way
Every child gets a raising. Unfortunately, not all raisings are the best. Even when parents do their best, there is no guarantee that their offspring will make good choices when they’re on their own.
There are, however, some things we can do to give our kids a “good raising.” That’s the hard way.
When this mom asked me that question, I could not think of anything to say. I am seldom at a loss for words, but I was speechless. My mind started replaying life in our house when our kids were small and all I could think was, If she only knew!
What did we actually do to raise these half-dozen kids into responsible adults? As best I can remember, I told her that raising kids isn’t easy, but we didn’t go with what is easy. I expressed the importance of teaming with your spouse, consistency, and prayer. Raising kids the hard way includes these things:
- Consistency. Defy disrespect, disobedience, and defiance. Do not give in; keep plugging away even when it is so hard. Don’t renege on your parameters.
- Same page. Be on the same page with your spouse. Agree in front of the kids on discipline. (Have your disagreements about your kids behind closed doors).
- No comparison. Don’t compare others’ parenting. You are not “everyone else”. It doesn’t matter what everybody else’s kid is doing. You are responsible for the raising of your kids, not somebody else’s. That’s part of raising kids the hard way.
- Pray. I should have prayed more. We can never pray too much for the souls of our kids.
- You can do this. You were made for this. Don’t give up, don’t give in, and don’t quit. Ever.
be called blessed
Proverbs says that a virtuous woman has children who rise up and call her blessed. I’m pretty sure this is talking about her adult children and not her kids. When you’re in the trenches, “blessed” is not a word you’ll hear from your kids (how well I know!).
If you think you can never fit the description of a virtuous woman, think again. She embodies all the things we do as mothers: shopping, getting good bargains, feeding our kids, clean clothes, and a (fairly) clean house. When we welcome the friends of our kids into our homes, we are virtuous women. When we provide a safe home, we are living virtuously. Most of all, when we share wisdom, honor our spouse, and have noble character, we are an example to our children and virtuous. One day, our children will rise up and call us blessed.
When you’re in the trenches, you think that day will never come. It does. Keep parenting your kids the hard way. You will – one day – be blessed.
