Out of Stuck in the Muck: Excusing versus Explaining

When you’re stuck

Excusing or explaining are choices we have for our actions. Sometimes our past haunts us so continually that we can never get un-stuck. Sometimes it is because others keep pushing us down into the muck instead of forgiving our past. Other times it is because we don’t want to be well badly enough. We make excuses instead of recognizing that our excuse is really just an explanation.

Excusing instead of explaining

When we offer excuses, we seek to justify or blame our issue on someone else or on a situation. We should recognize that our choices and responses are (largely) connected to our well-ness. Rather, we allow ourselves to stay in the muck we partly created. Too much work, and too much effort is required to do things differently. So, we shrug our shoulders and go back to the muck and mire because “it’s not really my fault.”

Folks use their background, their past, their diagnosis, or someone else’s failure as a focus of blame for all things wrong in their lives. Some use a “it’s a no win” excuse. They think this allows them to continue to be who they are. We don’t strive to become who Jesus calls us to be. Rather, we settle for the mediocre because – to be honest – it’s just easier.

Whether it’s relief from addiction or changing our heart attitude, staying where we are is more comfortable, more certain, and less difficult. So we excuse ourselves from the need to change. Harsh words, perhaps – but true.

Explaining instead of excusing

Giving an explanation does not justify. Rather, it seeks to show the problem as it is. Explaining gives facts and ideas and accounts for an action. It also gives motivation for change.

When something hits us the wrong way or what someone does makes us angry, we do well to dig down beneath the surface. Get to the root of why we are angry.

The day a 6-foot black snake entered our house, it created havoc. It was only a day later after I asked God for wisdom that I realized why I was so angry about the snake and angry at Dave for his response. You can read that story here.

Based on past experience, I had every “right” to be upset. Yet, because Jesus calls us to give up our rights, I had every reason to recognize that my (lack of) response could have (but did not) brought harm to our kids.

The gospel calls us to grow up and become mature – but I wanted to stay back in my high school emotions instead of acting like a 43-year-old. I can make all the excuses I want, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I acted immaturely in the heat of the moment.

Certainly, I still identify with my feelings of that day – but now I can explain them instead of excusing how I acted. Instead of staying in high-school-emotions-stage, I matured to think more rationally.

In all areas of life

These principles are true, not just in dealing with our own infractions, but also in how we relate to others.  “She’s just tired,”; “He doesn’t like those games,” “If you only knew the pressure she’s under,”; “You don’t understand how hard he’s working,” are all excuses we make for our spouses, our kids, or co-workers, or friends.

That’s what they are: excuses. As iron sharpens iron, we can help those we love grow up when we acknowledge the reasons, but stop making excuses.

Make a motion to get out of the muck

If we want to grow as Christians, we must stop excusing our actions or our attitudes. Instead, we must understand the reasons behind our behavior, thus explaining why our responses are what they are.  After our explanation, we need to take the right steps to move beyond the explanation and commit to growing up. Excusing keeps us stuck in the muck. Explaining gives us a foot-hold to get out of the muck and bloom.

When the dust is settling on one of your explosions or failures, ask yourself: am I going to make excuses or give explanations? That choice decides the direction you take, once the dust settles. It’s your choice. What you decide, the direction you take, affects whether you continue to live in the muck or grab a foothold and climb up. Making excuses guarantees you stay stuck in the muck. Giving explanations gives a clear path forward.

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