“You Have to Forgive”
“You have to forgive.”
My friend Ruth is a woman of wisdom. Her childhood included three and one-half years in refugee camps during World War II. She experienced grief, loss, fear, pain, and suffering. While others suffered more than her family, the Reimers lost their land, possessions, and didn’t know if their father was dead or alive. Her mother delivered a baby in one of those camps, and a sister nearly died. When the war was over, they had to start over in a new land with nothing.
Years later as a young adult, Ruth met an American man, married him, and moved to America. She experienced a new language, a new life, and a different world. Her family remained in Germany, oceans away. Trips back to her homeland brought connection again, but always she returned to her new family in America.
Over the years, life happened. People said and did things that would hurt anybody. These things happen because our world is broken, and so are we. We have all experienced those types of hurt. Life in Ruth’s childhood Poland and and later in Germany had not been perfect, and neither was life in America.
Ruth raised seven children and now loves on her grandchildren. A little over a year ago, she buried her husband. Every day, one of her children comes to visit or to take her where she needs to go. She is blessed for she is forgiven and has practiced forgiveness.
Experience teaches well
One of the things I love best about Ruth is that she forgives. When she was seven, she lost her home. Her family depended on others for survival those years in the refugee camps. Even when reunited with their father, life was hard. They had to start over. Life wasn’t fair, yet she forgave. The memories travelled with her, but not the grudges.
Her move to America, filled with anticipation and joy, brought times of pain. Of course it did, because no country, community, or church can be all things to all people. She forged new friendships and became acclimated to American culture in a small farming community. It’s not that Ruth’s hurts were deeper than what anyone else might experience. Yet the fact remains that sometimes we experience pain in relationships and circumstances.
A few weeks ago, I stopped in to visit Ruth when I was “back home” again. We chatted about health and life, about families and churches, and about how much God forgives us.
“If you are a Christian,” she said emphatically, “you have to forgive. You can’t carry a grudge. You have to forgive. It’s the only way.”
I agree. We agreed that forgiveness is not so much for the other person as it is for me.
“If I can’t forgive, then how can I ask God to forgive me?” Ruth said. “And,” she added, “When you forgive, you feel better, too.”
When you know Ruth, you know that when she speaks, it comes from experience. She has known good times and hard times. She’s been forgiven and she has forgiven. Hers is a life well-lived, and I am blessed to know her.
A Place for Ruth
A few years ago, I helped Ruth tell her story. You can read about it in A Place for Ruth, published in 2019. There are so many stories in this book: the Bontrager family who regularly sent clothing and money; MCC, organization that provided care packages, without which Ruth’s family would not have survived; and PAX, a volunteer program that helped provide housing for refugees (and through which Ruth met her husband). If you want a copy, you can contact Masthof Press or Amazon. I don’t own the copyright on the book, so there’s no money in this for me. I’m telling you about it because hers is a powerful story and I think you’ll want to read it. For local folks, you can get a copy at Windmill Farm Bake Shop or at Winn’s Creek General Store. For folks in Ruth’s home community in western Maryland, you can get a copy at The Casselman or at Whispering Pines.
