The Art of Being a Mother – Part 4 of 7

Part 4 of 7

Making Memories

 

My youngest came carrying his sleeping bag out to the van.

“Why do you need that sleeping bag ?” one of his siblings asked.

“‘Cause I’m staying overnight when everyone else goes home,” he replied. “We guys always stay up and watch The Ringer and eat jelly beans at the Slabach Christmas,” he explained. “It’s a tradition.”

Later that evening, I asked his aunt about the “tradition” of watching The Ringer and eating jelly beans.

“Last year was the first time they did that,” she told me. The guys wanted to stay here and I didn’t have a lot of extra snacks, so I gave them jelly beans.”

And just like that, making memories for my kid happened. 

Just like that, a tradition was born. Nobody planned it that way. It just happened.

A few weeks ago our family enjoyed a vacation together. During Sunday morning’s pancake breakfast, one of our sons told us that when he makes pancakes at home, he always plays “God is Standing By, So Hush, Don’t Worry, Don’t Cry.” by Acapella. That’s because it’s the song Dave always played Sunday mornings when our kids were young and he was making pancakes. Dave was making memories for his kids, even though he didn’t realize.  Just so, memories are made. We don’t have to schedule making memories – it just happens.

The question is: what kind of memories do we want our kids to have when they are grown?

It’s time to do something about it then, today.

A friend of mine tells the story of the day he gave his son photos of  his son’s childhood. His son didn’t really care for the photos because he didn’t remember what was happening at that time because he was so young. He told his dad, “To me, they’re just pictures. To you, they are memories. Maybe someday you can tell me the story behind those memories.”

 

Pictures and albums are so important – without them, we’d forget so much that is important to remember.  Give your children the gift of documenting special events in their lives. When you spend time making memories, then some day you can go through those photos and remember with them!

Each of us has memories of our own childhood. Children who grow up in the same family remember different things and will have different perspectives. Your kids will do the same.

There are special times when we make memories: holidays, family vacations, special occasions like family gatherings, weddings, and even funerals. In each of those events, our kids come home with a memory, be it good or bad.

Because I tend to be more task than make-a-memory oriented, I made a conscious effort to make memories with my kids. Some of them they remember, and others they have long forgotten. I’m amazed today at some of the things they remember that I don’t even recall happening!

Naptime and bedtime should be pleasant times for our kids, and one way to have that happen is to develop traditions. Reading to your kids before naptime helps slow the pace (yours and theirs) and helps their bodies and minds relax so they are better able to go to sleep. In our home, we had family devotions before bedtime. It was a time when we were all together, slowly winding down our day. It doesn’t have to be a long event – even ten minutes of sitting quietly when you sing and hear a story will help a child unwind.

When your days are long and full of chaos, take the time to make a memory. Eat a picnic lunch on a blanket in the yard, visit the library, go to a park or to the playground of a school. Make up a treasure hunt and send the kids running to find the next clue. The prize can be simple and small, but it will get their minds off sibling squabbles and make life happy again. Getting out of the house and doing something different will help you be in tune with your kids.

Ask yourself this question: when my kids are grown and gone, what do I want them to remember about their mom and about home?

A friend shared with me that over the days of the funeral of a family member, there was a time of sharing of memories  Many folks had good memories to share. One of her inlaws said to  her, “I can’t imagine doing this when my mother dies; I couldn’t think of anything good to say about her.” How sad.

It gave me pause to consider how I hoped my kids would remember me. One day I sat down and wrote this piece on how I want to be remembered.

The question I leave you with is this: How do you want to be remembered?

What are you doing about it, today?