Using Your Spouse as a Scapegoat

scapegoatA scapegoat

A scapegoat is someone or a group of people who is made to bear the blame that was deserved by others. During the Levitical priesthood, a priest “put” the sins of the people on a goat and sent it into the wilderness. The goat became the scapegoat for the sins of the people.

Women are good at blaming their husbands for something they don’t want to do. Instead of being honest about the real reason for doing or not doing something, they place the blame on their spouse.

Women are also good at using their spouse to get what they want. We call that manipulation. Our spouse still becomes our scapegoat because we don’t ask them what they think or prefer – we just do it. And, since he doesn’t speak to the matter (because he will pay for it later), we “assume” he’s okay with it, even when we know he is not. Therefore, he is “blamed” for appearing to approve something when we know that he really does not.

A reason, not an excuse

Truthfully, I have at times listed my spouse as the reason for not doing something. There are times it is necessary – and right – to do that. Some folks won’t take “no” for an answer and will continue to argue with me – but not with him. So, when it is the truth, I honestly say my husband does not want me to participate/engage/help. 

There are times I give this as the real reason – because it is the real reason. I admit some of those times it feels pretty good to let him shoulder the “blame”, and I don’t  mind a bit letting him help carry the load of criticism.

Honesty is the best policy

Yet, when it comes down to it, we must recognize that women struggle with honestly saying the reason behind a decision they have made – when it’s an unpopular decision. We make excuses or fudge the reason. Sometimes we’re embarrassed or don’t want to hurt another’s feelings. Other times, we know we should speak the truth (gently) in love, but we don’t – because we don’t like to get messy.

We’re good at fudging our excuse so it’s not an outright lie – even though it isn’t the truth, either. Scripture is very clear that a lie is a lie, no matter what color it is. 

The next time you’re tempted to use your spouse as a scapegoat, stop and think about the lie you will be telling. Don’t fall prey to the sin that entered this world in the garden of Eden. 

No one should be your scapegoat – least of all your spouse.

Pinterest scapegoat

Photo credit: in conjunction with  Used with permission.

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