Two words, and one of them just popped into my head. I used them fairly regularly when we first got married. I might not have said them out loud as often, but they certainly hung there in the recesses of my mind.
We’ve grown over the years and the struggle isn’t as real as it was then, but sometimes the temptation comes when I’m least aware. I’m sitting here, waiting for Dave to come in for supper. He told me it would need to be a late supper, and he’d appreciate it if I waited to have it ready until 7:30 PM. So I did.
But it’s 8:10, and he isn’t here. Oh, he was here at 7, but he’s gone again. He didn’t tell me he was leaving. The table was set (including plenty of ice in his glass), and the food was hot and ready to be served. I think I know where he is because it’s getting ready to rain and he desperately wanted to get some mowing done for someone before this rain comes in. He’s planning ahead because of our plans to be out of town later in the week. I know all that without him telling me, because I know my man.
Yet, you know what popped into my head when I realized he left without telling me? He never tells me when he’s leaving like this. As if. Usually he does. Well, sometimes he does. Or maybe he tells me and I’m only half-listening.
I’m sitting here and I’d like to eat. ‘Especially since the food will need to be re-heated again when he gets home. So I can choose to either let it go (after asking him if he did tell me and I didn’t hear him) 🙂 Or I can fuss and stew and use one or both of those two words and allow it to put me into a funk and a blaming game.
I’ve tried to nix those words in my mind, but they still pop up from time to time. I’ve learned that if I take those two words out of my vocabulary, it will take me a long way to contentment with my man.
When we’re tired or frustrated or feeling adrift, it’s easy to start thinking those words. When things are said or done that bring hurt or pain, those words are the first that usually come to mind.
Before we know it, we keep feeding those words until they become larger and larger in the horizon – and suddenly marriage is more difficult than we ever thought it would be.
He never tells me when he’s leaving and supper will need to be later.
She never understands how it feels to work so hard and come home to a messy house.
He always forgets to do things I’ve asked him to do.
She always complains when I’m late coming home.
Those two words – Never and Always – can be the detriment of our thoughts and our emotions.
You know why? Because it just isn’t true.
Nobody, but nobody can hit the jackpot in “always” and “never”.
While it might be true that it seems like he never listens or that she almost always fails in one thing or another, it really isn’t true. While the devil brings those words to our minds, we need to bar the door and not allow them to stay.
So tonight I can choose to belittle my man and fuss at him when he gets home. Certainly, I’ll tell him that I sure missed his message that he was leaving and supper would be an hour later. He’ll probably say he thought he told me and we’ll sit down together, holding hands as one of us blesses the food.
There’s no deadline tonight and no hungry kids begging to eat. I remember those days, and he always blessed me to go ahead and feed the kids. If I really wanted to, I could go ahead and eat now. But I’ll wait.
Tonight, there is harmony in our home. That’s because I’ve kicked never and always out the door. You should try it. It really does make a difference.