Getting there from here.
Comfortableness in marriage does happen. When something is comfortable, it brings contentment, security, and freedom from vexation, doubt, stress, or tension. That is a goal in a marriage over time. It’s a realistic goal. It really is. A solid and good marriage is a comfortable marriage.
Certainly, newlyweds can (and should be) comfortable with each other. Yet, the fact remains that the longer one knows a person or the longer a relationship grows, the more comfortable a person becomes in his role, position, title, or responsibilities.
Much like “breaking in” a new pair of shoes or a new vehicle with controls in a different place than the vehicle owned previously, time has a way of helping us become familiar with an object – or a person. That’s why we can experience true comfortableness in marriage, but it takes time.
From newlywed to comfortably wed
In one study, scientists and psychologists discovered that people who have been married longer than twenty-five years eventually begin to look more alike. Shared experiences, including emotions, are one of the reasons given. Facial expressions bring on identical emotions. Other studies allude to the fact that people tend to choose mates who are more like them or their families and that is why spouses end up looking more like each other.
When we know someone, or when someone is familiar, we are more comfortable because we trust that person. That is how it is in marriage.
The longer we live together as husband and wife, the more familiar, and thus more comfortable, we become with each other. The easier it is to decipher a tilt of the head, a squint of the eye, gait of a walk, or the look on a face. When that happens, we experience the comfortableness in marriage.
Getting here from there
Yet, we can only get here from there. Adjustments in marriage are part of marriage. Learning to know more about each other takes time and experience. Practicing give and take and learning what makes each other tick is part of growing closer together. Those things take time, and they take work. Simply put, you have to go through it to get to well-worn-comfortable.
Just as a teacher with a classroom of unknown students learns to know them individually through interaction, so we learn to know more about our spouses through daily interaction in marriage. The journey we take, determining to forge on through turmoil, brings us to the other side more sure of ourselves and each other – if we do it right.
Every marriage has its turbulences. Yet, the calm and settledness after ferreting through discords is what makes us want to live together forever. And oh, do I ever want to live with this man forever!
Getting comfortable in marriage
You’ll get there if you hang in there and keep working at your marriage. It takes time and perseverance. You must not give in to despair or give up in defeat. Believe me, it’s worth it.
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You’ll experience the comfortableness of marriage when you get through the shadows and make it to the other side. You’ll look back and wonder how you did it during those hard times. You’ll remember the tears and the turmoil. You’ll shake your head, wondering how you now can be so blessed. You’ll thank God because His grace is what brings you the comfortableness in marriage. Delight in the grace and the comfort in your marriage. Look forward to your sunset years, because you can settle in to comfort in your marriage.