A Happy-Crappy Day
Happy crappy.
We didn’t use the term happy-crappy when our kids were small. It’s not because it wasn’t a good idea – it’s just that I didn’t think of it. When our kids were small, our dinner-time conversations focused on our day. We discussed the next day’s activities and assignments (“You know your library book is due tomorrow, Ben,” or “You still need to go over your spelling words, Timmy.”).
Some other things that came up at almost every supper time in our house were the good things and the not-so-good things that happened that day. We’d ask each child, “What was the favorite part of your day?” and, “What was the hardest part of your day?”
It was a way to engage each child and allow the younger, quieter ones not to be overruled by the older kids. Today, I’d change that to “happy-crappy.”
I’d ask the kids what was the happy part of their day, and what was the crappy part of their day. I got the idea from a friend of mine who told me this is the term her daughter uses with her kids.
Two birds with one stone.
Using words like this for conversation starters guarantees two things. Each child gets to talk and answer the question. The parents get to find out what happened that day to make a child feel happy or feel crappy.
The focus is not just on which kid misbehaved and what the consequences are. This turns the attention to a general conversation in which every person participates. The focus is on each child for a moment, individually. It also includes the parents. Children learn that mom and dad have happy and hard things in their day, too. Our dinner times were more peaceful when we used this technique. It’s easy to use dinner time as a time to air grievances or tell which child wasn’t helpful or which child lied.
Use the time, instead, to focus on the worth and splendidness of family. Cherish what you have. Encourage the pronouncement of feelings and emotions. Let your dinner table be such a happy time that the kids want to stay just a little bit longer.
