Why I Never Had That Sex Talk With My Kids

Speeding Because of a Sex Talk

It was that sex talk that did it. The flashing lights behind me told me I’d better be pulling over. I knew this was a speed trap, but wasn’t paying attention. When I rolled down the window to answer the officer’s questions, I decided to tell him the truth.

After handing my registration to him, I explained, “I was trying to watch my speed; but to tell you the truth, Officer, I must not have been watching closely enough because I was so involved in our discussion. You see, Officer, I was talking to my kid about sex.”

Somehow, it seems that he didn’t know what to do with this Mennonite mama, for he merely issued me a warning and let me go.

“Wow, Mom,” my teen told me. “I bet that’s the first time he’s heard that for an excuse for speeding!”

Any question is up for grabs

That’s how life was at our house. Any question and any discussion was open for grabs as long as it was with an appropriate audience and a respectful attitude, no matter what age the child. One never knew what day a sex talk might happening.

Dave and I knew that our kids were going to hear about sex from someone. We also knew we wanted them to hear about it first from us. Before other peers had a chance to indoctrinate our kids, we chose to start young and give a positive spin on God’s idea of sex. We might not have had actual sex talks, but we certainly talked about sex.

Playing offense

No matter how sheltered we think our kids are, there are people they will encounter whose attitude is not healthy or biblical. Before Satan had a chance to use others to thwart our children’s proper understanding of sex, we chose to play offense instead of defense.

If we take that approach, then other people will have nothing on our children because we will have beaten them to the draw. Certainly, others can still influence our kids, but the foundation is there and their protection is greater because we play by God’s rules.

Little wonder then that one of my children told a friend recently, “We never had a sex talk in our house. We just talked about it as things came up.”

I had to think on that one for a while. But it’s true. We never did have that sex talk. I suppose it’s because, by the time our kids were the age for that sex talk, we had already answered their questions about the birds and the bees.

This is what we did, and you might want to tweak this to fit your situation and your family. Find your own way to have that sex talk.

Start Early

During daily activities, seize moments to talk to your kids. As I bathed the kids, I called each body part what it was. If I called a nose a “nose”, why should I use different terms for other parts just because of where they are located?

Using slang terms is demeaning to what God has created. It’s a little harder for a child to smirk about a body part if they are taught to call it by the proper name.

Set Boundaries

When I bathed the kids or was helping them get dressed, I played offense.

“You know it is never right for somebody to touch your body unless it’s us or a doctor or nurse who has to check to see how your body is working. If you’re staying with someone like Aunt Ruth, it’s okay for her to see your body if she is helping you take a bath or get dressed. But if anybody else wants to look at your body or touch you, then you tell them no. Even if they tell you not to tell, you will tell me, because I am your mama, and it’s my job to take care of you.”

Answer the Questions

With the addition of each baby and a mom who was nursing, children asked normal questions and received simple answers. When a son was taking out the trash and noticed things in the bathroom wastebasket, a simple answer sufficed. “Oh, your sister is having a period and that’s just a part of it.”

We didn’t add more to the question than what was asked. If a child asked where a baby grew, we told them, but we didn’t explain coitus for that simple question.

When a child asked questions at an inappropriate time, we promised to answer later. “I’ll explain that to you when we get home; and if I forget, you remind me, and I’ll explain it all to you.” That told the child that his question was important and that I wasn’t just hushing him because I was too embarrassed to answer.

Find Out What They Know

When a child uses words he “ain’t got no business knowing,” ask him where he heard that word and what it means. If he can’t tell you, then suggest he ought not use words if he doesn’t know what they mean. Tell him if he hears words and wonders what they mean, to ask you because you will probably know, and you’ll be happy to tell him. Then be sure to tell him. Knowing what it means (or doesn’t mean) takes the curiosity right out of the word.

Don’t Be Late

As our daughters neared adolescence, I used opportunities to give more information about menstruation, but those things came up during normal conversation.  Who knew when this day would come and whether I would be home at that time? So I purchased supplies and showed my girls where they were in case I wasn’t at home.

Boys need to hear explanations of their puberty changes as well. Sometimes I’d tell our guys, “You might want to ask your father about that one; he was once a teenager and he will remember what it was like.”  Believe me, they asked him and got answers.

Model Sizzling Sex

Demonstrate? Nope.

Model? You bet.

God’s ideas and purposes are always great. Doing things God’s way is the safest way to get through any sex trap.

Our kids should get that picture, and there’s no better place to get it than from their parents. Through intimate gifts Dave gave me, and through our expressions of affection, they knew.

By things we said and comments we made, they knew that we think God’s idea is a good one.

There are no guarantees that our children will always be protected and safe. Certainly, as their parents, we should pray for their protection.As their parents, we need to also recognize that their safety and knowledge about sex is our responsibility.

How can we pray for their protection when we are not doing what we can to protect them?! As someone told me recently, “The best way to protect your kids is to educate them.”

A child who is educated in a positive way about sexual things will become a responsible, caring adult when he/she enters marriage. Your children’s spouses will thank you one day.

You can choose who will be the first and the best person to teach your children and answer their questions about sex.

Let that person be you.

This post is a repost from eight years ago.