Why Sex is Important When Marriage is Hard

why sex

What an amazing idea God had when He designed sex!  Sex is not merely a biological act, it is a gateway to true intimacy. This is why sex in marriage is a good idea, especially when marriage is hard.

When God designed marriage to meet man and woman’s need for intimacy, He wanted them to experience what it is like to be intimate with Him. I am not inferring that intimacy with God is in a sexual way. Just listen up, will you? After He created man and woman, God proclaimed this creative work was not just good, it was”very good.” Mankind was created in the image of God for the purpose of relating to God. Different from creatures of the animal kingdom, mankind is a living, eternal soul. No wonder God called mankind “very good.” God desires for there to be intimacy between us and Him. This is an intimacy that animals do not experience.

Because of the relationships that are exhibited in mankind, sex is more than a biological act of pleasure and procreation. There is a fundamental reason sex is designed to be experienced between a married man and woman. In addition to pleasure and procreation, sex is also about cultivating and experiencing intimacy in the marital relationship. This is why sex was planned by God and this is how He wants it to be. Sex in any relationship other than between a husband and wife is a sinful act. This is a true statement, not because I said so, but because God did. His Word is clear on that.

I won’t deny that the sex act can be enjoyable for anyone; so can eating too much or becoming drunk. Yet the payoff for any of these choices is not good. When sex occurs in marriage, there is no guilt, no shame, and no hoping that others won’t find out. There is no need for secrecy.

For a married couple, having sex reaps so many benefits.  Even those who decry that sex does not need to be restricted for a married couple usually admit that guilt results from a sexual relationship outside of marriage, not to mention the pain and consequences that sometimes occur. You won’t find them admitting it openly, but when questioned in private, these are the answers I have been given. (Oh yes, I’ve asked those questions.)

On the days when we’re upset with God – or feel angry or betrayed, we don’t want to spend time with Him. It’s easy to avoid that Quiet Time of reading His Word and listening to Him. When it seems He is saying No to our prayers and our desires, it’s the most natural thing in the world to just ignore Him and refuse to be intimate with Jesus. Yet on those days when we acknowledge how we’re feeling and go ahead and climb up in His lap and tell Him what’s really bothering us, that’s when we experience wholeness again. That’s when we become intimate with Him. Avoidance is one of the worse detriments to intimacy in a relationship.

It’s the same way with a strained relationship in a marriage. Avoiding one another sexually only widens the chasm. Physical intimacy brings us together. It’s a matter that begins in the mind and expresses itself physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

why sex

Here are some reasons why sex for a married couple is important:

  • It solidifies the relationship
  • It makes a man able to conquer and face the daily grind of his world
  • It empowers a woman and renews her exclusive relationship with her husband
  • It restores emotions
  • It provides relaxation and repose
  • It cements the covenant and binds a marriage together
  • Receives a smile from God because it is honorable (He said it, and I agree.)

Sex can be symbolic of a healthy, happy relationship.  It can be a celebration when all things are going well. This is easy to explain and to understand!

Even more important, sex in marriage is the celebration of a committed covenant:, even when things are not going well, even when marriage is hard.

why sex

When there has been pain or frustration, hurt or fear, miscommunication or failures, sex communicates commitment to the marriage and the covenant. Having sex can say to your spouse, “Even though you have failed me, I am committed to you and I  know we can work this out together. Even though I am angry with you, I still believe in you.”

why sex

Since marriage is primarily a statement of commitment, it makes sense that we seek sexual intimacy not only when things are going well, but also when life is hard. Commitment is much more than ‘feeling’ and celebrating in good times. Commitment is demonstrated by staying united while working things out; staying in communication when it’s hard to talk; having sex when it takes emotional effort.

Until – and unless – you’ve experienced and practiced sex in this context, don’t underestimate its power and its purpose. As Jesus, our Bridegroom, continues to claim us again and again, we can model this principle by having sex with our spouse, even when it’s the last thing we feel like doing.

why sex

why sex

 

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